Borni Banik

“Borni Banik, veux-tu m’épouser?” (English translation – “Borni Banik, will you marry me”)

Like they show in any Hollywood or Bollywood movies, Pierrick was on his one knee, in front of the Eiffel tower, asking me if I would marry him. I was on top of the world. The noise around me had ceased to exist and the glittering lights of the Eiffel tower remained highlighted in the background. It was a dream come true. I was going to be one with the love of my life.

Well, the journey was neither easy nor a short one. The journey started when I was 17.

Being a product of a joint conservative Bengali family, I had been conditioned from the very beginning that I would grow up, have some placid education and get married off to a business man. They stood by that as we came from a business background. When I managed to convince my parents to allow me to go to Pune to pursue my higher studies, I became the first woman in the generation to go to a far-off place to do that.

When I was in 2^nd year of my bachelor’s degree, I came across an opportunity. I wanted to learn more. I applied for scholarship in France and I got it! Again, I was bestowed with a task to convince my parents. This time the extended family was also involved. I made a promise that I would return immediately once I had completed my Masters. Eventually, I became the first woman in generations to land overseas.

I returned from France in a year. Yet my wish to keep growing had not seen an end. I requested my parents again to allow me to go back to France. This time they allowed me without any fuss… they just had a basic expectation that I would get married soon after that.

I joined an internship program at NTT Communications. It was there, I met Pierrick. At that time, I didn’t know that he liked me, as he never asked me out. He strongly believed in the company policies that were against employees dating each other. Once I finished my internship, he approached me.

In 2020, when COVID started, I was stuck. It was then when we started spending more time together. I understood how much our values matched. That was super important to me. When I understood that Pierrick was the person I wanted to be with, I confessed this before my parents. This news hit them hard, especially my extended family was unhappy. “You have broken our trust” – they had said. They were against the inter-cultural marriage. I had expected that and so I had also decided that I was going to convince them. But never had I expected that it was going to be too long.

It almost took one and half years. Before the remote job came into effect until two to three months, my communication with my parents had got limited to few lines – “How are you?”, “Have you taken food?” I was feeling the coldness in their behaviour. This was due to their fear for a couple of things – one, if the marriage happens, it would lead to divorce, and the other one was, they would be alone if I get married off to France. Moreover, my relative were trying to feed their fear. It was more about – “Log kya kahenge”. For sometime, I had tried to be ignorant about all of these but I was unhappy as I was not myself then.

When I was in my home, every day was a constant struggle. I stayed with them to show them I was the same Borni who was opinionated yet loving and also the girl who believed she along Pierrick would make it happen without changing anything that already existed. My parents were still going to be my dearest. The most wonderful thing about Pierrick was, he seldom complained when we had less to no communication for months, yet he kept loving me like he had from the beginning. I tried to show this to my parents, saying that I might not get such affection from a business man or his family.

One day, they agreed. When my parents, Pierrick’s parents and family friends finally united, it was a sight to treasure. My friends from Africa, Spain, US and other places had come together to celebrate. It was sort of ‘Unity in Diversity’. Pierrick’s best friend said – “You have no idea what doors you have opened. Two different cultures meeting together, are weaving memories for a life time!!!”

I am glad that I didn’t give up. In the end, I was happy that my parents came to accept Pierrick. In the entire process Pierrick was not feeling confident and thought that he was not good enough for me as my family was in constant denial. On the other hand, days were passing by, spent with constant conflict with my mother and crying. Yet, never ever we brought up the topic of break-up. Pierrick had even gone to an extent of learning Bangla for the sake of my family. Today my family loves him dearly… and Pierrick’s family also love me in the same way. In fact, they had been open minded from the very beginning.

I oppose when people give opinion that my parents were toxic. I believe there is nothing such as ‘toxic’. They are the most loving parents I could have wished for. From the experience I had, I understood that my family was not accepting Pierrick because they had not understood Pierrick and had no knowledge about the other culture. Once the gap was bridged, Love won.