Six months ago, my father committed suicide, and I still can’t believe what exactly happened.
When COVID hit the world, our business, like everyone else’s, was affected. He never told us about our financial issues. He had borrowed money from a few people, hoping that things would return to normal. However, the lockdown period kept extending, along with his loans and debts.
He was a one-man army, never wanting his wife or kids to know what he was going through every day. But I could sense that something was wrong; I just didn’t realize how big of an issue it was. So I started doing a part-time job alongside my studies. Although I was a tech guy, I had always been interested in the creative field but like everyone else, I ended up in a software development job after my B.Tech.
Things at home became increasingly difficult with each passing month. My father had to take more loans to invest in our business and cover basic necessities. Since he never told us, we were unaware and assumed everything was fine. Meanwhile, I was also struggling with my career. I felt that I could do much better as an HR professional than as a developer. However, when I made that decision, everyone started opposing it. It felt like they were trying to make me feel miserable about something I truly enjoyed.
At home, a few months later, my father started opening up about the loans and debt that were burdening us. It was a huge amount. The interest on the loan had caused it to more than double. While I was working in Jaipur, my father would often request me to visit him in Indore. Every time I returned home, I could feel the sadness within my family.
Seeing the situation at home I began questioning myself if switching to HR from a developer was the right decision, as everyone told me that HR growth and pay scale were lower. Ironically, it was and still is the best career decision I’ve ever made.
On December 5th, 2022, I was on my way to the office in Jaipur when my father called. I don’t usually answer my phone that early, but I did that day. We talked for 30 seconds, and then I went to the office. In the afternoon, my mother called, saying she couldn’t find my father. I asked her to remain calm and reached out to a few childhood friends in Indore to look for him. No one could locate him. I immediately booked my ticket from Jaipur to Indore.
When I arrived home, they informed me that the police had found my father’s body. In his pocket, they found a note listing the names of the people who had driven him to this. My whole life changed from that day on.
I was a 22-year-old guy just trying to find my way in the world, figuring out my career and settling into a stable job. But life had other plans for me. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed by numerous responsibilities at home, much earlier than expected. My mind was filled with many things, trying to balance my duties, mental health, and my family’s emotions.
Despite the challenges, I made it work and started creating a caring and supportive environment for my family. I knew I had to be strong for them. I worked hard and made sacrifices to meet their needs. It’s not easy, and I still face many obstacles, but I know I will make things right and bring back happiness to my family which they truly deserve.