“Am I a good mother?”
“Am I unable to give required attention to my daughter due to my job??”
“Shall I quit my job for few years?”
These are the questions that haunted my mind. They still do sometimes. Every new mother, especially working ones, goes through this phase, where she doubts her parenting. There is always this guilt and feeling of being judged by family, society, other moms etc. Everyone around showers her with their parenting tips, concerns and experiences. The questions “Who is taking care of your child while you are at office?”, “How can you trust family/domestic help to fulfill the duties of a mother?”, “Shouldn’t you take up a part time/teaching job which won’t demand much of your time and energy, now that you are mother?” makes her feel incompetent and remorseful.
It happened last year, in the month of January. After working for 5 consecutive days, finally Friday came and I was all set for the weekend with my daughter. As usual I left office by 7:30 pm office cab and due to traffic was expecting to reach by 8:30 pm. Delay in cab service and heavy traffic jam near office area were making sure I don’t reach home before 10pm. I was adjusting to the idea of reaching late when my husband called me asking for some medicine. After asking repeatedly he finally told me that Eva, our daughter, was hurt and was bleeding from her knees. I couldn’t understand how to react but still I put on a brave face and told him that I was running late. It took me 2 hrs. To reach home that day and in those 2hrs I cried silent tears, was prepared to resign from work and be a full time mother. Finally I reached home and expected to see my baby crying for me. But what I saw made my fears and worry vanish. My daughter was laughing and was playing with her grandmother. She then told me in her cute way how she fell down while playing with grandmother and how she didn’t cry because she is a strong girl. I held her tight and kissed her while I silently prayed to God that I get more time to spend with her. Well you can call it a stroke of bad or good luck, 2 months later we had work from home option due to COVID.
I have taken responsibility of two important jobs; First – managing my office work and Second – taking care of my daughter Eva. However, the biggest challenge which came across the way was to give my child that special attention without compromising on my dreams and aspirations. I have seen many women sacrificing their career to become full-time mothers. But in my case, I am thankful to my family members who constantly supported me at every stage – be it workplace or at home. Personally, my biggest strength was my acknowledgement that taking support is not a sign of failure. To realize that it’s not just my daughter who is growing up, I am growing too as a mother, taking baby steps, one at a time.
Total Work Experience : 8 Years (IBM)